Knowing how to take rejection and deal with break ups is not easy. Some people take rejection very hard. The mythical broken heart is the term that refers to the pain some people feel after being broken up with. Even though people can't really break their hearts the pain can be severe. I remember when I had what I consider to be my first broken heart. I was 29 years old. The break up was actually mutual because both agreed to end the relationship. Needless to say it was the closest I've ever come to suicide in my life. I felt horrible. I couldn't understand why I was feeling so bad. Yes I missed the girl and including the sex but the pain was more than that. It was only years later that I realized that it was embarrassment and that I didn't know how to take a break up. When I told my friends I learned that I was not alone. Girls are more organized to deal with rejection than men are. Women have break up care packages like ice cream nights but it is different for guys. One guy told me he was balled up in his bed crying for a week after a girl left him.
Well like it or not breaking up and being broken up on is a part of the American dating process. In fact, ending a bad relationship is sometimes the best thing for the people in the relationship. So here are my tips on how to deal with being dissed.
1. Think about the divinity of the events of the World. I know this seems way out there but I like to say it this way instead of just saying take it to Jesus or pray but this is really what I mean. I conceder meditation or thinking to yourself to be the same as prayer. You can put a lot in order if you separate yourself from your immediate problems and think about the larger picture. When you do this you will put your experience into perspective and realize that you are not alone and others have gone through what you are going through now and survived.
2. Understand you don't need to be mad at somebody. Sometimes nobody is to blame. I a lot of people think you are suppose to go Rambo and start screaming and displaying your anger. I disagree with this belief. I don't think getting mad and hating the people that break up with you is smart. Most times it's the best thing for you to not waste your time dating someone who does not like you as much as you like them. There are many other people to date and marry in the world, your goal is to find someone who likes you as much as you like them. If anything you can get upset with HOW the person broke up with you and not that they don't want to date you anymore.
3. Ask yourself what will getting mad do to your situation. Since getting mad is such a common response to getting dissed I felt it was important for me to reiterate how foolish it is to get mad. Some people get mad when they get rejected from something as simple as getting the wrong phone number. When a person gives you the wring phone number after you've talked to them you feel rejected. Here is a person whom you've talked to for a few minutes and felt a connection. But when you make a move to advance the relationship they don't have the decency to tell you that the feeling isn't mutual. Yes it's F'd up but what will getting mad about it solve. I say just move on. Take notes, see if there was something you could have done different and move on to the next person.
4. Try not to let your actions change for the negative. Some people get so bitter after a long relationship ends because they've invested a lot of time and energy into it. I'll leave money out of this because that's a whole other conversation. When a long relationship ends it can hurt. Many times you have grown accustomed to having the person around and not having them is a big change. When this happens its important to monitor your actions and make sure you don't allow yourself to become bitter and change for the negative. You don't want to start over eating or harboring baggage that you bring into your future relationships.
5. Take a break from doing anything and think about solutions to your problem. There is no clear rule on avoiding a rebound relationship however I think one of the best things you can do after a break up is to take a break. I'm not suggesting that you take years off from dating. I think taking a month or two away from the dating scene is good. Some people already have future dates lined up before the end a relationship. I don't think that is a good idea. I don't care how much you are desired by other people taking a break to get back into yourself is important.
As always your feedback is welcomed. I try to think of topics to blog about that you won't find anywhere else. If you have a comment please post it and if you have questions or topic suggestions please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org