August 2009 Archives

In your opinion, is it possible for women to have a purely sexual relationship with someone without any strings attached?

A: Is it possible for women to have a purely sexual relationship with someone without any strings? Yes. But your question seems to be more complex than my simple answer. Many of us like to think that the so called "double standard" is a thing of the past. We have one set of expectations for women and another for men. Men can love 'em and leave 'em; women need an emotional commitment in order to have a sexual relationship. Both of these are stereotypes. Many men are not carefree, unemotional sex machines who have no feelings for potential sex partners. Likewise, many women do not need an affidavit of lifelong commitment to engage in sexual activity. Perhaps, the question should be, can you have a purely sexual relationship with someone without any strings? If you can, it doesn't mean that you are a bad person, and if you can't, it doesn't mean that you have sexual hang-ups. Each of us has to decide how we will live our lives. What works for one may not work for the other. Do what you feel is best for you. Don't worry about the rest.

I'm a 45-year-old mother of two teenaged children, one girl and one boy, ages 14 and 15, respectively. I'm very concerned about their reaction to me dating and having sexual relationships with men. My concern stems from the fact that I am more interested in seeing multiple partners. It may seem hypocritical, but I'd prefer that my kids not think casual sex is OK—at least not at their age. How do I keep my lifestyle from affecting them without having to skulk around in the shadows?

A: It is not easy being a single parent with teenage children trying to get back in the dating scene. You say that you are concerned about their reactions to you dating and having sexual relationships with men. You also say that you are interested in having multiple partners. I have a question for you. Why are you discussing your sexual relationships with your children? It's one thing for your children to see you going out with different men, but it's another for them to know what you are doing with these men. Even parents have a right to privacy. You do not have to tell your children everything you do. Is it hypocritical? Not necessarily. What is appropriate for adults may be appropriate for children.

You have a dilemma in that you find nothing wrong with multiple partners and casual sex for yourself, but you don't want your children to share your views. Why not? You have a perfect opportunity to have an important discussion with your children about your values and helping them develop standards by which they can live. There is nothing wrong with having multiple partners if that is what you want. How can you keep your lifestyle from affecting them? You can't. No parent can. Whatever your lifestyle, your children will be affected by it.