Just a touch: Is sex all men think about?

Q: I appreciate the fact that my husband finds me sexually attractive. What I don’t appreciate is that every time I touch him—kiss him, cuddle with him, etc.—he turns it into an opportunity for having sex. Do men really not understand a woman’s need for physical closeness which does not necessarily lead to sex? Or are they just socially programmed to respond without thought. I know my husband loves me, but I resent having to limit my gestures of affection to avoid being pulled into a sexual encounter I may not want right at that moment. Sometimes, I simply want affection without things getting physical. How can I get him to see this.

A: Do men really not understand a woman’s need for physical closeness which does not necessarily lead to sex? Yes. Women and touch are like Eskimos and snow. Apparently, Eskimos have many different words describing snow. This helps them navigate the landscape. Women have different ways of touching to underscore different emotional states. For many men, any kind of touch means one thing—sex! Have you told your husband that every time you kiss him or cuddle with him it does not mean that you are asking for sex? Rather than trying to get him to figure out what kind of snow is on the ground, make it easy for him and give him the “when I touch you like this I want sex” signal. Anything else means “hold me I’m not feeling well,” or “I had a bad day at the office.”