Subscribe to this blog's feedQ: Many women complain that their partners reach orgasm too quickly, but my man stretches out lovemaking until it is no longer enjoyable to me. As a matter of fact, I’m often in pain because of the chafing caused by the constant rubbing motion. I’ve used lubricants, which help, but, usually, by then, I’ve become so turned off it’s all I can do not to fling him off me. Sometimes, I feel as if there’s something he’s trying to prove with this long, drawn-out performance and my body is paying the price. How can I diplomatically let him know that all of this is quite unnecessary and is hurting, not helping our sex life?
A: Many women do complain that their partners ejaculate sooner than they would want. Men who can control their ejaculations and can “last a long time” during sexual intercourse are often perceived as being great lovers. But, as you have suggested, there can be a downside to a “long, drawn-out performance.” Retarded or delayed ejaculation is a condition where it is difficult for a man to ejaculate after there has been sufficient sexual stimulation. This can be caused by psychological as well as physical problems. On the other hand, your boyfriend may be one of those men who can control his ejaculatory reflex to the point where he can ejaculate when he desires. Men who can do this take pride in their ability to prolong sexual intercourse because they feel that this is what their partners want. Since this is not what you want, tell your boyfriend how you feel. This is best done in a non-sexual situation (i.e. don’t wait until you are having sex to start the conversation). Explain to him that prolonged thrusting causes you pain and your vagina becomes irritated. Find out if he is intentionally “holding back” because he thinks this is what you want him to do. If it’s because it just takes him a long time to ejaculate, feel free to use other methods to “get him off.”
