Subscribe to this blog's feedQ: I am in a three-year, live-in relationship with a 36-year-old man, who, I’ve come to realize, picked me because of my looks. After we got together, however, and the practical demands of everyday life started to mess up my “sexy thang” image, he cooled considerably. What he expects when he comes home is for me to be dressed in something tight and low-cut. Instead, I am a real woman who isn’t always dressed like a sexpot who sometimes chips her fingernails doing housework. Despite the problems, however, I care for this man. But he needs to understand that women are not trophies you get to pump up your ego. I’d like to try talking to him about this, but was wondering if this is something that therapy would be more effective in addressing, as opposed to a sit-down, heart-to-heart to let him know how I feel. What do you think?
A: It is to be hoped that your man wanted you for some other attributes besides your looks. But you may want to try a little experiment. Tell him that when he is at home, you want him to dress in a more sexy way—no shirt and underwear, showing what he’s got. Whatever he expects of you, reverse the behavior and attitude by doing the same thing to him. After a while, see how he feels about the situation. When he’s no longer amused, it will be time for that discussion. After the conversation, if you’re not satisfied with the answers, you can always take the next step and seek help from a therapist.
