Freeloader Boyfriend

My boyfriend of two years, who does not have a regular job, has taken to routinely inviting himself to my place for dinners—nightly—and cleaning out my refrigerator of food. I feel like I'm being used. What's more, I can't afford to keep feeding both of us. Should I cut this freeloader loose or just tell him I can no longer afford his dinnertime visits?

A: How long has your boyfriend been unemployed? Do you feel that he has potential? When he does have money, does he share it with you? Do you spend time together that does not involve sex or dining? Does he listen to your problems at work or school? Have you asked him to bring dinner? Does he wash the dishes or clean up after each meal? Other than eating your food, what characteristics do you dislike about him? What is he doing for you emotionally, psychologically and sexually that causes you to overlook his lack of income? Traditional gender role expectations have changed in modern society. If the roles were reversed, society wouldn't call a woman a freeloader if a man purchased a meal for her each night. It appears from your letter that your boyfriend is doing something right to satisfy you in other aspects of your life. You need to weigh the good and bad in the relationship and determine if he is worthy of dinner.