Alexander Avila, Ph.D.'s Blog

Many times we get stuck in life. We want something really badly, but we don't get it. In these especially difficult financial times, money is a big issue for a lot of people. No matter how much we make, it seems that we just don't have enough to go around. In these challenging times, we need to develop the powerful mentality I call "The Invincible You."

The Invincible You is that part of your mind that is invincible--incapable of being defeated--by either outer circumstances or your own inner negativity. Psychologists call this resilience--the ability to overcome adversity--religious people call it soul hardiness; I call it The Invincible You. To be Invincible doesn't mean that you're perfect; it just means that you are able to go beyond, around, and through obstacles to achieve your dreams because you believe you are a special divine creature who is worthy of the best the world has to offer.

In this series, which we will continue into 2012, I will reveal some of the most powerful psychological and spiritual secrets of emotional and psychological invincibility. These are time-tested paradigm shifts and psychological algorithms that will help you skyrocket your personal mastery and outer success.

The first secret is called the Art of Reversal--Give What You Want Most to Get What You Most Need. In other words, if you want something really bad, give that something out to others and to the world.

Take the desire for money; for financial success and security. You want to make a large amount of money doing something you love, but maybe you haven't been able to do it. You struggle financially, or at least you're not making what you really want to make. You try to save, but the money slips through your fingers like you're trying to hold on to water poured from a bucket. You may even start to panic a little, or get desperate, as you sink further into debt.

Solution: The Art of Reversal. Instead of worrying so much about how much money you don't have, focus on giving more money, time, energy, and talent to others, and to the world. Give more money to charity, donate more money or personal possessions to your local church; give your time and energy by volunteering at an organization that helps women, children, and animals; help your neighbor with a small loan. The amount of money or time you give doesn't matter; it can be small at first. The key is to start reversing your mindset of money anxiety and lack, and turn it into a mindset of money abundance. Imagine that you have so much money, and the world has so much money (the world money supply is calculated at $50 trillion), that you can afford to give away plenty because you will get back plenty.

In Eastern philosophy, there is an energy called Ki or Chi. Ki is the life force that we all have. Ki either expands or contracts; it gets bigger or smaller. When you're worried about money; not being able to pay your bills, or not making it in your career, you start to contract or shrink your positive energy. You become fearful, anxious, worried, and worst of all, you generate that ultimate defeating feeling of being deprived.

On the other hand, when you expand your Ki energy, when you give freely, and with gratitude, to others, you self-generate a light, free, and loving feeling. This positive feeling will, in turn, attract more abundance and prosperity into your life.

You have probably heard of the law of attraction, which states that we attract what we think about most. If we think of abundance; we attract abundance; if we think if scarcity, we attract scarcity. This is a common aspect of nature and life. However, to trigger the law of attraction, you first need to master The Art of Reversal. To attract more money, you need to start by giving away some of your most valuable personal resources--time, money, and energy--with the firm belief that there is a natural abundance in the world that will return to you manyfold, in the form of more money, talents, valuable relationships, and career-enhancing opportunities.

Start today by giving a few extra dollars to children or homeless people. Give away some old clothes and possessions to the Salvation Army. Remember to give away what you want most. If money is what you want, give it away. This will create an Invincible mindset in you that will help liberate your unstoppable enthusiasm, energy, creativity, and resourcefulness. You can now go out into the world and create financial and emotional abundance for yourself and those you love.

Psychology used to be about curing the mentally sick: treating mental illness, or at least providing some type of remedy for the chronic case of the blues, unhappiness, or anxiety. Things have now begun to radically change in psychology. In the last ten years, pioneers in psychology, such as Martin Seligman (Authentic Happiness, 2004) and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (Flow, 2008) have advanced a new type of psychology known as Positive Psychology. Instead of trying to cure what's wrong, Positive Psychology focuses on enhancing our personal and collective assets, talents, and abilities--helping us foster, and increase, our psychological levels of creativity, spontaneity, compassion, humor, love, joy, zest, curiosity, resilience, and so on.

With this new focus on finding, and enhancing, our positive psychological traits, we are no longer stuck in that "poor me" mentality that tells us we will never improve our mental or psychological states of mind. Positive Psychology teaches us that we have the ability to truly foster our greatness, or, as I call it, "our invincibility"--to be the best, healthiest, most successful, and happiest people we can possibly be on earth.

Here are some remarkable findings from Positive Psychology that shatter the long-help myths about mental health and psychological wellness:

1. MYTH: MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE UNHAPPY BECAUSE OF WARS, CRIME, ECONOMIC PROBLEMS, OPPRESSION, NEGATIVE PEOPLE, LOUSY UPBRINGINGS, BAD NEWS, FAULTY THINKING, ETC.

RESEARCH TRUTH 1: LONG-TERM STUDIES INDICATE THAT UP TO 80% OF THE WORLD'S POPULATION HAS A HAPPINESS SET POINT, A GENETICALLY PRESET LEVEL OF HAPPINESS--RANGING FROM MILDLY HAPPY TO EXTREMELY HAPPY--REGARDLESS OF THEIR EXTERNAL CIRCUMSTANCES.

RESEARCH TRUTH 2: IT'S THE OTHER 20% OF THE WORLD THAT'S UNHAPPY, AND DOES ALL OF THE BITCHING, MOANING, AND COMPLAINING.

RESEARCH TRUTH 3: IF YOU ARE IN THE BOTTOM 20% ON THE HAPPINESS SCALE--NEUTRAL, MILDLY UNHAPPY, OR VERY UNHAPPY--THEN THERE ARE 3 REASONS (ASIDE FROM GENETICS) WHY YOU'RE UNHAPPY, AND 3 WAYS TO FIX IT.

2. MYTH: IF YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL, YOU WILL BE HAPPY.
RESEARCH TRUTH REVERSAL: IF YOU ARE HAPPY, YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL: YOU WILL THEN ENJOY THE GOODIES OF LIFE: LOVE, MONEY, CAREER, AND HEALTH.

3. MYTH: POSITIVE EMOTIONS MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD FOR THE MOMENT, THEN THEY GO AWAY.

RESEARCH TRUTH: POSITIVE EMOTIONS HELP YOU BUILD LONG TERM COGNITIVE, EMOTIONAL, AND PHYSICAL RESOURCES--MAKING YOU SMARTER, MORE CREATIVE, MORE SUCCESSFUL, HEALTHIER, MORE LOVING, AND, OF COURSE, HAPPIER.

It's true: You can transform your Emotional DNA--your genetically influenced emotional level of well-being. Although you have a genetically built-in set level of happiness or positive emotions, you can also enhance and maintain positive emotional state of mind.

You can, for example, meditate in a peaceful and quiet setting, express loving compliments to strangers and friends, and keep a gratitude journal in which you write down all of the wonderful things you are happy about today. In this way, you will generate more positive daily emotions, which, in turn, will empower your long-term success: The happier you feel on a daily basis, the more successful you will be, in every facet of your life, including your relationships, finances, health, friendships, career, and even your ability to live a longer life.

I'm now conducting a Positive Emotions study that will further document this phenomena known as Emotional DNA Transformation. There are rewards available for your participation. If you are interested, please contact Dr. Alexander Avila at lovetype4u@aol.com.

Let your feelings be your guide.

Have you ever felt invincible, on top of the world, incapable of being defeated? Maybe, you've felt like that at times when things were going well: your money was right, your relationships were great, and you felt healthy and happy. But, unfortunately, that feeling of invincibility usually doesn't last very long. When your relationships go sour, your money gets tight, your career is not advancing, and the world seems like a dangerous and troubled place--that is when your shield of invincibility starts to break apart--and you end up feeling down in the dumps: dissatisfied, frustrated, and worried.

Now, there's a simple, research-proven way to build a long-lasting and long-term sense of emotional and physical well-being. It boils down to a simple formula: Create more positive feelings in your life on a daily basis, and these feelings will help you build long-lasting psychological and physical resources. When you need them, you can tap into these resources to become more successful, healthier, and happier. It's as simple as that.

During the last 13 years, psychologist Dr. Barbara Fredrickson at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, has done ground-breaking research to support the Broaden and Build (B & B) Theory of Positive Emotions. According to the B & B theory, daily experiences of positive emotions like curiosity, affection, compassion, and enthusiasm compound over time to build our personal psychological and physical resources. Think of a reservoir, the collected water that is held back by a dam, and that, when released, can generate a great deal of electrical energy. In the same way, your positive emotions--your reservoir of strength--are built up in your mental dam, and can generate a great deal of positive energy and action over the long-term. If you store enough positive emotions in your mind on a daily basis, you will be better able to meet life's challenges, take advantage of opportunities, and live a healthy and happy life.

For example, researchers have found that people with a high level of curiosity and interest will tend to build expertise in their chosen fields, and consequently receive more income, prestige, and career satisfaction. Similarly, a high affection person will build love with a mate on a daily basis--resulting in a life-long, loving, and happy marriage. Overall, research has shown that a high level of daily positive emotions (amusement, awe, contentment, joy, gratitude, hope, and interest, for example) have been linked to a great number of personal resources and benefits:

*novel/creative thoughts and action
*flexible goals and mindsets
*resilience: the ability to adapt to changing environments and bounce back from adversity
*better relationships and greater marital satisfaction
*higher income
*better physical health
*less depression
*faster recovery (lowered heart rate) when under anxiety and stress.

How do you build these positive emotions on a daily basis? Researchers are validating simple interventions or techniques that you can use on a daily basis to help you build your reservoir of positive emotions. These include:

1. Loving kindness Meditation (LMK) (Fredrickson et al, 2008): Sit comfortably at home, and focus on your heart region, as you think about a person or animal you care about and have warm feelings toward. Now, mentally extend these warm feelings first to yourself, then to a widening circle of other people. Feel your love emanating in waves from your heart area outward to countless people. Research shows that people who practice LMK to build positive emotions on a daily basis savor the future more, are masters of their environment, enjoy more social support, have greater self-acceptance, enjoy a stronger sense of purpose in life, and suffer from fewer illness symptoms.

2. 3 Good Things In Life (Seligman and Steen, 2005): At the end of the day, write down three good things that went well for you today. Explain why those three things happened. Do this every night for a week. In a research study, people who did this exercise had increased happiness and decreased depression during a six month period.

3. Use Signature Strengths In A New Way (Seligman and Steen, 2005): Write down your signature (main) strengths, like curiosity, appreciation of beauty, affection, etc., and use one of these strengths in a new and different way every day for one week. For example, if appreciation of beauty is one of your top strengths, then you may decide to take a painting class, visit nature, play with animals, and so forth.

There are many ways to create daily positive emotions. For more ideas, you can email me at lovetype4u@aol.com for simple techniques tailored to your particular personality and strengths. Remember: a little positive emotion each day goes a long way toward helping you build a lifetime of success, prosperity, health, and happiness.

The marriage statistics are getting gloomier. Based on current research statistics, now there's a 50% chance of first marriages ending in divorce within 7 years, and there's a 67% likelihood that a marriage will fail within the first 4 decades. Sadly, the lifetime marriages of our grandparents seem like a thing of the past.

Is there a solution? Fortunately, good progress has been made in studying the science of marriage by esteemed psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, author of The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work. Dr. Gottman has created a remarkable "love lab" where he systematically studies married couples in a controlled apartment setting, with videotaping cameras, physiological measures such as blood pressure and heart rate, and one way mirrors. His conclusions are fascinating: Based on his findings, Dr. Gottman says that he can predict, within the first five minutes of observing couples interact, whether they will stay together or divorce. His accuracy rate of predicting divorce is 91%.

According to Dr. Gottman, the quality of the couple's friendship is one of the keys to determining marital success. Moreover, he has discovered 7 simple rules, based on his longstanding research with married couples, that can help husbands and wives stay together. They are:

1. Enhance Your Love Maps: Know your partner intimately--what they crave and hate--and cater to your partner's love maps. If they love that chicken drumstick, make sure they always get the last one. It's the little things that often make a big difference in building love and respect in a relationship.

2. Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration For Your Mate: Remember what first attracted you to your partner--what made you fall in love with them--and keep that memory in your mind on a day-to-day basis. Develop an attitude of daily appreciation and gratefulness for your partner and everything he or she has meant to you.

3. Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away: Seek each other for comfort. Affairs are often a symptom of a marriage that has lost its intimacy, trust, and respect. Learn to take the side of your mate, empathize with them--create an "us versus them" mentality" that will help you forge a stronger bond.

4. Let Your Partner Influence You: This is especially critical for husbands. Husbands who accept their wive's influence and input are often in happier marriages than those who don't. When you are open to your mate and their ideas, you will also have a higher level of respect and appreciation for your partner.

5. Solve Your Solvable Problems: Agree to disagree, and work on the things you can solve in the marriage. Some things you may never change (differing religious beliefs), but you need to focus on finding a solution for the things that can be changed, and accept the things that can't.

6. Overcome Gridlock: Learn to compromise and solve things that can be solved. Learn what your partner's dreams are, and also learn to respect them. Tell your partner that you support their dream, and keep working to resolve conflicting dreams. The marriages with the highest expectations, and the desire to keep improving their marriages, are often the ones with the most happiness and success.

7. Create Shared Meaning: Create a spiritual aspect of your life together. Foster shared goals, values, symbols, and rituals. In your marriage, do you want to start a business to contribute to society? Do you want to share your enthusiasm with others? Contribute to charitable causes? Perform random acts of kindness? Be leaders and mentors in your community? It's important that couples find a shared higher purpose in marriage, beyond just making love, raising kids, and doing chores. This will help them maintain a strong connection through the ups and downs of daily married life.

One of the features that I like best about the Gottman method is the importance of how couples fight. The harsh start up (starting an argument in a harsh, argumentative, and critical way) is destructive to marriage communication. Learning how to be softer in your marital arguments, in both tone of voice, and choice of words, is very important to making sure that both partners feel appreciated and understood. How you start is often how you will end.

Practice the 7 keys to a wonderful marriage, and you will soon recapture a lot of the spice and love you had when you first got together. Who says the honeymoon can't last for a lifetime?

As I'm sitting here with a mean ear infection and a nasty chronic flu, with my entire face feeling like a stuffed up house of horrors, I ask the questions: Why is health only important when we lose it? Why do we only realize the importance of being healthy when we are sick?

Of course, we all read the articles and blogs, watch the doctor shows; we know how important health is, intellectually, in our heads. We try to eat right, exercise, and take our vitamins. As we get older, we take our medications, and visit the doctor regularly if we're good little patients. But, many of us don't fully appreciate the value of good health, until we lose it, albeit temporarily, through some injury or illness.

It's true: Most of us take our health for granted, until something happens, when we get sick, and we don't feel so good. The reason is that most of us live in our heads; our minds; our thoughts. We believe that our mind is everything. We forget about our body. Of course, we walk, we work, we make love, we do physical things, but our mind is not often fully attuned and aware of our body. We are so preoccupied with what is going on in our thoughts--of the past or the future--that we are not fully aware of our body in the present.

How many times have you actually observed your body as you walked through a doorway? Do you feel the pressure on your fingertips as you pick up a cup? Do you truly feel the pleasure sensations of warm droplets of shower water cascading on your back? Many of us don't. As an exercise, begin to be more aware of your body and the sensations you experience on a daily basis. Make friends with your body; honestly; it is the last friend who will leave you in life, staying with you until you die.

As I sit here in misery because of my flu, I have a better appreciation of my body and how it connects with my mind and soul. The body relays messages of delight or pain to the mind; the mind's upbeat or downbeat thoughts can affect the body, and give it more or less energy.

When I feel sick, I use a little mind trick you can also try: I merge with my sickness. Although I take the appropriate medicines and doctor's advice, I also decide not to mentally fight the sickness--to be afraid or sad over it. I realize that my mind and body are now working together to get me back to feeling healthy, so I visualize my mind and body as one healthy unit fighting off the foreign invaders of sickness and disease. To become one with your body is the most beautiful thing you can do, in sickness or in health.

That special day is coming, Valentine's Day, when lovers and spouses exchange gifts and celebrate love--past and present--with their special one.

That annoying day, Valentine's Day, is coming, that day when you're alone and you wish you had someone, or you have someone and you wish you were alone. Valentine's Day means a lot of different things to different people--both good and bad.
Now, here's a truth for you to ponder: It doesn't matter what your status is, single or coupled up (happily or unhappily), Valentine's Day can actually be a great day of celebration if you remember just one thing:

The greatest love is the one you have inside you.

That's it. That simple concept is something that has been written about by the great poets, psychologists, philosophers, and spiritual teachers. To be happy in love, you first need to love yourself, be proud of yourself; be grateful for the gifts you have received from God and life.

The best Valentine you can give and receive is to be a Valentine for yourself: To treat yourself with the utmost love and kindness; with the deepest respect and compassion.
Many people, including the media, get it all wrong on Valentine's Day. As a psychologist who appears on a lot of TV and radio shows talking about love relationships, I always get asked the question: "What should people do for Valentine's Day?" Of course, they're expecting me to give them some cute or interesting romantic date ideas. They're often surprised when I say: "The best Valentine's Day is to treat yourself as the best lover you ever had--to be your own Valentine."

To be your own Valentine means to pamper yourself, treat yourself with kindness, tenderness, and love. Too many people are critical of themselves; they speak to themselves in self-attacking ways: "I'm too fat, skinny, old, young, boring, ugly, stupid, etc." Instead of being self-critical, we need to be self-loving; we need to think and act as if we deserve the best that life has to offer.

Try something different this year: On Valentine's Day, regardless of what you do for someone else, make sure you treat yourself to a nice meal, a massage, spend time with friends (if you're single), animals, and children, read your favorite book, pray and meditate, and above, all, be grateful that you are you, and that you have the capacity to experience love within yourself, regardless of the person or people who are presently in your life.

When you become your own best Valentine--you will feel great and grateful about who you are. You also make an amazing discovery: You will attract a powerful loving energy into your life--if you're single, you will attract a soul mate; if you're married, you will create more love and excitement in your relationship.

Now, everybody, stand up together, and repeat after me: "Happy Valentine's day to me. Happy Valentine's Day to Me."

What if you could ask four simple questions and instantly know if someone was a potential soul mate, or a dud date? Now, there's a scientific way to weed out the incompatible dates from those who have true soul mate potential.

It's called the LoveType system, based on over 50 years of research with Jungian personality types, and the most popular personality test in the world--the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®).

Back in 1999, I wrote LoveTypes (Avon Books, 1999), and started a new revolution in dating where singles could determine their own romantic personality style--their LoveType--and then unmask the people they were dating, to find a compatible partner.

Over the years, I've accumulated a lot more data and research, and have fine-tuned the LoveType system down to what I call The Four Magic Questions--four simple, subtle, everyday questions you can ask to determine instant compatibility.

The four magic questions you can ask a potential mate are:
1. QUESTION ONE: What do you do for fun in your spare time? If they like to party and socialize a lot, they're Extraverts--people who get energy from their own thoughts. If they like to stay home, think, meditate, listen to music, and watch movies, they're likely Introverts--they get energy primarily from their own thoughts.

Hot Love Tip: Female Extraverts Be Wary of Male Introverts: Research shows that female Extraverts and male Introverts have the most problems in chores, finances, children, communication, and sex. This is a nontraditional combination (she's outspoken, and he's quiet), and can cause problems if they don't respect each other's style.

2. QUESTION TWO: What would you do if you won $10 million? If they would use it to change the world, do something really creative or imaginative (like find the cure for cancer, go the Himalayas and write the Great American Novel, or start a holistic senior citizen center in India), they are likely the Intuitive (Imaginative type). If they would save and invest, or enjoy the money on sensual pleasures like traveling, fine dining, and partying, they are likely the Sensor (or more practical, sensory types).

Hot LoveTip: Find Someone Similar to You On This Dimension: Research show that 70% of happily couples are the same or similar on this dimension--either both are Sensors (practical) or both are Intuitives (imaginative). This personality dimension accounts for many important issues, such as life perspective, values, interests, passions, sex, children, and money.

3. QUESTION THREE: What's your favorite movie and why do you like it? If they liked a movie because of the special effects, the direction, the plot, and because it made them think, they're likely Thinkers--they make decisions primarily with their logic and analysis. If they loved a movie because of the relationships, and it made them feel and cry, they're likely Feelers--they make decision primarily with their heart--with what they feel is right.

Hot Love Tip: Speak Your Partner's Feeling or Thinking Communication Style: Any combination can work here (even a female Thinker with a male feeler), but the key is to speak and understand the other person's communication style. Feelers value words of affirmation, empathy, and a partner who focuses on the emotional aspects of a relationship. Thinkers value intellectual compatibility, respect, and enjoy debate, witty repartee, and even sarcasm (which can hurt the more sensitive Feeler).

4. QUESTION FOUR: If a friend invited you to Vegas tomorrow (or your favorite vacation spot), and you had to work, would you go? If they say, "Hell, yeah, my bags are already packed," they're the Perceiver (Spontaneous), go with flow type. If they say, "no," or "I have to check my schedule," they're the Judger (structured) type who has to plan everything out.

Hot Love Tip: Pick a Partner Like You, Or Respect His or Her Style: In this personality dimension, couples can have a lot of conflicts if a) they're very different, and b) they don't respect each other's style. This dimension can affect issues of time (Perceivers are always late, Judgers are always on time), schedules, neatness and organization, money, children, commitment, and even sex. One Judger (structured) partner drafted a premarital agreement, in which one of the clauses included sex: "Henceforth, after marriage, we shall have sex three times per week, between 8 to 10 pm, Eastern Standard time." Too structured for you? It can be a problem in a relationship if you're with a very different person on this dimension, and you don't respect each other's styles.

By learning the four magic questions, you can weed out the incompatible types, and focus on the ones most likely to be compatible with you in a happy long-term relationship. Of course, there are other factors to consider--physical attraction, similar religion and values, desiring children, and so forth. But, by beginning with one of the most important foundations for relationship success--personality compatibility--you are well on your way to finding your soul mate. For more information, you can take your free LoveType quiz at www.lovetypes.com, and meet likeminded people who share your LoveType interests.

As 2010 ends, and 2011 begins, the time is ripe to look toward your future. Do you want more of the same, or do you want to be different, better, happier, and richer next year?

Would you like to be Invincible? To be incapable of being defeated. To stand strong when things go against you. To be firm and confident when people attack and demean you. To be resourceful and fearless when you face difficult economic times, family strife, and health concerns. To be the master of your own thoughts and feelings, to not allow the inner enemies--fear, worry, regret, sadness, and frustration--to enter, and infect, your mind and soul.

You can be Invincible. You can rise above any, and all, circumstances in life, and maintain a perfect sense of calmness, balance, joy, peace, and happiness. Invincibility is not an external power thing; it is not a matter of acquiring control over a large amount of resources, or commanding a grand army of people to do your bidding. It is about an inner state of power; of self-command; where you are in charge of your mind, your body, your soul, while everything else around you vibrates at a corresponding higher frequency of love, beauty, and success.

In this first of a seven-part series you will learn the secrets of The Invincible You. Let's start with number one, and we'll tackle number two next time.

The First Secret: Open Up Your Reservoir Of Weakness

All of us have built up inside us a Reservoir of Weakness--a holding place for all the negative, critical, and self-attacking thoughts that we have built up over years of living. This is known as The Reservoir of Weakness. This Reservoir keeps us down whenever we start making some progress. It torments us with demeaning and attacking voices from our past:

"You're not smart enough."
"You're not attractive enough.
"You're not lovable enough."

The Reservoir of Weakness also knows your weak points, where it can apply the most pressure, and get you to fall back into your old habits and bad decisions. It thrives on tormenting you with your weakness; with your plainly seen inadequacies.

"Just take one more bite of that pecan pie. It won't hurt your diet."
"Call him again; so what if he's a little crazy; he's too irresistible."
"Go back to that job; you may hate it, but it pays the bills.

How do we combat the Reservoir of Weakness?

The answer is simple: We do nothing. We stop struggling with The Reservoir of Weakness; we just accept it as a part of us. We open ourselves up to its existence by picturing what it looks like in our mind: as a vast entity or machinery that produces only one product: Negativity. At the same time, we don't label the reservoir as good or bad; we simply see it as a foreign entity that has been implanted into our minds from civilizations past to test us, and help us grow.

Once we recognize the Reservoir of Weakness for what it is, and we do nothing about it, then our final step is to simply ignore it. We let its chattering continue, even about the very fact that we're ignoring it:

"You can't ignore me; you've got to listen to me; otherwise you'll make a mistake."

As you continue to ignore the Reservoir of Weakness, you will discover a very interesting thing: At first, its voice will get louder, more insistent, more desperate. It will try every trick in the book to get you to listen to it, to pay attention to it; to heed its advice. This is a sign of desperation. The Reservoir of Weakness is becoming weaker, and it knows it.

Picture the Reservoir of Weakness in your mind as a giant warehouse or factory in which negative thoughts are being created; hammered out, and manufactured. The boss of the place is yelling at the workers to move faster, to put more negativity out there because The Customer is not buying what they are making. "Hurry, hurry!" screams the boss, but the workers are fighting a losing battle. The customer is walking away, and even worse, The Customer is finding all of this quite amusing--it's really humorous to see how much futile effort the Reservoir workers are exerting to capture the customer's fading attention. Having a sense of humor about this helps a lot; it drains the power of the workers immensely.

Now you, as the Customer, only need to do one more thing: Walk away. Walk away from the negative thought factory, the Reservoir of Weakness, and you will be forever free of the artificially created tormenting, seductive, and destructive thoughts in your mind. It is as easy as that.

Now, you may wonder, what will take the place of those old, destructive thoughts?

One thing: thoughts of Invincibility--unsurpassed thoughts of peace, love, happiness, compassion, and fearlessness. These amazing thoughts had been the prisoners of the Reservoir of Weakness--held hostage until now--but they are finally free.

When you walk away from the influence of The Reservoir of Weakness, the first thoughts to be released are the lower level, Higher thoughts. These are the ones that feel relieved to be out, no longer under the burdensome pressure and restraints in the reservoir. They are grateful, happy, and relieved.

The next thoughts to be released are the higher level, Higher thoughts--they are wiser, more peaceful, and have a better perspective on things. They are the power thoughts. They give you a sense of calmness and balance, love and understanding, and they make a surprising statement: The Reservoir of Weakness is actually your friend in disguise.

The Reservoir of Weakness is your friend because, through it, you can grow to your fullest potential as a human being. Not by resisting the Reservoir, nor by yielding to it, but simply by becoming fully aware of it--by picturing how it works in your mind--and then stepping aside, as its fury and power melts, and the factory stops producing its inferior products of negativity and illusion.

Soon, the voices of weakness will evaporate, and in its place, will arrive new Thoughts of Invincibility. These new Invincible thoughts will produce sensations of beauty, magic, appreciation and gratitude in you; you will truly enjoy another sunny day; you will revel in the compassionate feeling of helping your neighbor, the gorgeous sentiment of being in love with your loved ones, and the unsurpassed beauty of life itself.

You are now Invincible: Savor it.

All of us suffer in life. No matter how hard we try, we don't exactly get what we want--whether it's love, success, health, happiness, money, approval, recognition, and so on. Or, maybe we get what we want, and then we want more--we're still not satisfied. Our neighbor has a better car; our friend has a more exciting lover. On top of all these normal disillusionments and disappointments, life adds the realities of loss, aging, deteriorating health, and ultimately death. Is there any way out of our pain and suffering?

Yes, there is, according to one of the greatest psychiatrists in our era, Viktor Frankl, a remarkable individual who knew the depths of suffering first-hand. Dr. Frankl was a survivor of the Jewish concentration camps during World War II's Nazi Germany, where millions of innocent men, women, and children suffered the most horrible conditions, ending in merciless deaths in the infamous gas chambers of the camps.

Yet, despite spending three grueling years in so much suffering, depravity, and death--his friends and all his immediate family (pregnant wife, brother, and parents) died in the camps-- Dr. Frankl, not only survived, but kept his good humor and optimism all throughout. When Dr. Frankl was finally rescued from the camps at the end of World War II, he created the groundbreaking school of psychology called Logotherapy.

Logotherapy means the therapy of meaning. According to Dr. Frankl, the true cause of suffering in our life is not the suffering itself, but the meaning we ascribe to the suffering; how we perceive it, what we do with that suffering.

It is not good to suffer, said Frankl, but if we have to suffer, we should do something good with it. Frankl is talking about the unavoidable sufferings in life--things we cannot avoid, like accidents, mistakes, or just plain bad luck. Despite what happens to us, we can still find a positive meaning in it somehow: we learned a valuable lesson; we became a stronger and more compassionate person. By finding a positive meaning in our suffering, Frankl says, we can recreate our past, and bring light and happiness back into our lives, instead of holding on to regrets, frustrations, and the terrible feeling of deprivation that keeps so many people stuck in fear and depression.

Here is a transformative technique you can use: The Deathbed Movie. Imagine that you're on your deathbed, years from today. See your life as an epic movie, complete with credits (think of the people you would most like to thank). Look over all the highlights--the good and happy times; your love, your children and family, career satisfaction, the friends you made, the people you helped.

But, also see the dark and dramatic parts--the people you lost, the pain you suffered, the loves you shattered, the mistakes you made. See all of it as a beautiful, sad, tragic, lovely, wonderful film that perfectly portrays the imperfectness, yet perfectness, of a human life--Yours. You learned so much from your failures and mistakes--they made you grow; they made you a better person. Now, you can finally embrace your pains and sufferings as being all part of your Life Story. The story that ultimately wins you the Academy Award of Life, and leaves you in a complete state of peace and contentment.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed in life--with too much to do and not enough time to do it in?

If so, you're likely to experience more stress, and have a higher risk of developing high blood pressure, migraine headaches, low energy, and other health problems.
Now there's a solution to being overstressed and feeling time pressured--the 80-20 rule. The 80-20 rule is the psychological law that states that 20% of your efforts, yield 80% of your results. Also known as the Pareto principle (named after the Italian economist. Vilfredo Pareto), the 80-20 rule applies to many areas: 80% of your business comes from 20% of your clients, 80% of your fun comes from 20% of the people you know, and 80% of your happiness comes from 20% of the things that you do.

Think about it in a practical sense. If you were to list the things, people, and activities that truly give you pleasure and contentment, you would likely have a much smaller list when compared to the actual things that you do on a daily basis. In other words, we do a lot of things that we shouldn't really do, and we spend time with a lot of people that we really shouldn't be spending time with.

It's not about being more efficient or effective with our time, but in determining our priorities in life, then putting most (80 to 90%) of our time, energy, and resources on those few things. Put your most important eggs in one basket, then watch that basket carefully. That is the essence of the 80-20 rule.

As an exercise, write down THE TOP THREES in your life:

*The Top 3 Activities That Give You the Most Happiness
*The Top 3 People Who Give You the Most Contentment
*The Top 3 Ways You Have Made the Most Money
*The Top 3 Things That Have Made You the Healthiest

Now, with these top 20% priorities in mind, organize your life, and your schedule, so that you spend most of your time on your TOP 3s, while eliminating or delegating the other 80% of things that don't bring you much in the way of results, satisfaction, or happiness. The bottom 80% are the things that a) you don't like, b) you are not that good at doing, or c) don't bring you maximum pleasure in life.

Here's the 20% bottom line: If you follow the 80-20 rule, and focus your time and energy on your true priorities in life, you will be much happier, healthier, and successful than ever before.